UNDERNEATH MY CLOTHES

When you look at me,
What do you see?
Do you see the struggles,
The jealousy?
Do you see the darkness,
That engulfs my soul?
The joy and the freedom
That illness has stole?
Do you see the pain, and
Decaying life?
The murderous cells,
Multiplying and rife?
Or do you see,
The skin and hair,
The fake smiles,
Without a care?
The tinny laugh, and
Tired eyes,
Excused by work
And other lies?
The walking legs
And typing hands,
That make you believe
That my life is grand?
Well let me tell you,
Whatever you see,
Is more about you
And less about me.
I'll tell you a secret,
You would never guess...
I may look normal,
But inside I'm a mess!
My body is rebelling,
Fighting an constant internal war,
And there's nothing I can do,
‘cept beg and pray and implore.
See, when you see me,
You'd never know,
That underneath my clothes,
I'm purely a shadow.

the story of us

I see you,
U smile,
I smile!
U move,
I move;
closer,
Like a mirror,
I'm reflected in you,
The good and
The bad,
You show me all,
Yet my face remains
In your eyes!
I feel your closeness,
And for the moment,
We are one.
One heart;
One mind;
One soul;
The equal
And the opposite.
An entirety!
The perfect balance of
Yin and yang,
We are the harmony
Of existence,
The halves
Of a whole,
The rest
Of each other.
And nothing
Makes more sense than this,
Than us.
And you see me,
And I smile,
And you smile!

irreparable

I never wanted the world
I didn't ask for the stars
I only ever wanted to lie in your arms
to feel your heartbeat
to hear your voice
to be close to you-that was my choice
but you wanted perfection
something I couldn't give
you wanted a utopia that I couldn't live
and we crumbled, eroded
damaged, decayed
a deserted ship-abandoned, betrayed
and as we fell apart
broken beyond repair
I look to my right and wish you were there

injustice

I see injustice every day
as I go idly on my way
on every Road and every Street
in every friend and foe I meet
in the eyes of the stranger
with his head held low
facing trials and danger
that I couldn't possibly know of
so I let them pass
turn away instead
its easier than trying to get inside their head
admit they may need help
admit I may do too
ignore the silent problems
as so many of us do
yet I no in truth
we're all fighting battles
but instead of stepping out we all hide like cattle
safety in numbers blending into the crowd
camouflaged wallflowers
no individuals allowed
as step by step
we pass them by
the beaten wife and the homeless guy
the bullied kid, the immigrant
its not my problem
they've had their chance
others could help them
it doesn't have to be me
they don't fall in my category
so in my bubble
I can justify
how I just walked past a crying child
with noticeable bruises
and holes in her skirt
because kids fall over
and they're always getting hurt
not to mention the woman
hiding a black eye
she's never going to leave him
I bet she hasn't even tried
and I can see in all our faces
this justification is enough
I mean, life is hard right?
Who hasn't got it tough?
some of us pass  judgement
most of us ignore
as we step over the vagrant
sleeping on the floor
but since he's probably alcoholic
and done this 2 himself
why should I have compassion?
I need to worry about myself

it's all about perspective

and the sun rose today, smiling
the smug smile of schadenfreude
the knowledge and wisdom of it's perspective
gives it surveillance no one can avoid
and the birds are singing today
their melancholy tune
mimicking the sad songs of my heart
all knowing from their bird's eye view
and even the sky is taking part
overwhelmed by the murky grey clouds
I see pity in the colours there
a guilt that says ' I'm not proud'
the trees whisper to the gossiping wind
and the rain drops a scattered confession
the whole world has watched my life unravel
they have observed my unfolding depression
they have laughed at my naiveties
and my lack of visual aspect
they have conspired to see me fail
and have unjustly kept their secrets
but tell me sun and wind and sky
from upon your judgemental thrones?
I can tell you how it feels to have loved and lost
please tell me how it feels to be alone.

slowly but surely

progress at a snails pace
but the tortoise always wins
the sun is low in my life's day
but until it sets, I'm in
I shall not fear the darkening skies
nor the limits of the light
for from in the dusk, as I look ahead
the future is always bright
I don't see the restricted time
I don't watch the draining sand
nor do I look to what has been
my life is in my hands
for each second that passes is a moment of chance,
an opportunity and a gift
and each breath I breathe with pure intent
for someone's spirit to lift
joy comes from giving,  a life lived for others
proverbs of purpose and desire
and as I meander towards the setting sun
I know is not yet the time to retire.

traffick jam

Looking into the eyes of a lost soul
but it isn't lost
it was taken
looking into the eyes of innocence
but it's no longer there
it was stolen long ago
looking into the eyes of a nameless face
a hidden statistic
a lost girl
and my heart cries on her behalf
tears she no longer sheds
emotions she can no longer feel
and I imagine the countless invisible scars inside
unseen damage that will never heal
and I scold myself for my empathy
patronising and naive
I could not possibly understand
the horrors and torment
the fear and pain
and I can not erase the memories
and triggers that haunt her still
and I wonder if she can be saved
if ever again her lips will smile
and her eyes sparkle
whether her laugh will ever again be heard
and if ever when she says 'I'm ok' it will be the truth
and anger erupts inside me
for the nameless girl
and every other child whose life has been pawned for someone else's twisted reality
whose flesh has been sold
for their greed and debts
whose innocence was abused
in an inconceivable and monstrous way
whose body was pumped so full of concoctions
that I can only pray it momentarily dulled the pain
such a nightmarish life
how could they ever close their eyes safely again?
Looking into the eyes of strength
and I see a survivor
and I'm glad it's my eyes she sees.

isn't it ironic?

on the brink of existence
but living I am
on the brink of anger
yet as meek as a lamb
on the brink of hopelessness
with opportunities within my reach
on the brink of foreboding
with a generation to teach
on the brink of hunger
with food in hand
on the brink of intolerance
in this God given land
on the brink of boredom
too indecisive to achieve
on the brink of addiction
that I need drugs to relieve
on the brink of solitude
when I disperse with my friends
on the brink of poverty
won't get paid till months end
on the brink of exhaustion
too many hours to fill
on the brink of death
yet I'm not even ill

torment

calm my beating heart
still my anxious mind
the visions and terrors that haunt me
The anticipation of what I might find
the unwelcome apprehension
the worry and the dread
the recession of my sanity
each night I lay in bed
my overactive senses
like a guard dog on alert
watching, listening, waiting
for the fear and the hurt
I hear my blood pulsating
feel the flow through every vein
my rational thoughts betray me
as I slowly go insane
I try 2 control my breathing
my mouth will not obey
I'm still and frozen and fearful
awaiting and filled with dismay
the second hand ticks so loudly
I'm sure it will be my demise
but I must stay alert and ready
I mustn't be taken by surprise
I will the safety of the sunrise
but I'm a prisoner of time
and I pray for God's protection
from the not-yet-committed crime
and I remain there, tormented
tortured by my mind
while darkness fades out slowly
and my body can begin to unwind

the power of love

I see a face
Beautiful
Smiling
Open
I see a light
A beacon
Guiding me
Calling me
I see you
And I'm drawn
Unwilling
Unknowing
Unstoppable
And before I know it
I'm breaking down my own wall
Piece by piece
Brick by brick
Voluntarily
Letting you in
Closer
And I see your eyes
Kindness
And love
And strength
And the wall crumbles
As I stand
Amongst the debris
A mess of my own making
But there's something so honest
Calling to my vulnerability
And I answer
Refreshing me like the rain
Each drop a new feeling
A new emotion
An awakening
Washing over me
Saturating me
Renewing me
As I bask in everything you give
And I'm grateful
And I'm happy
And I'm alive

beauty within

draped in cream protection
perfectly encased
it is but an outward reflection
a curtain of embrace
withholding treasures deep within
complex mechanics sheathed
creation of which was surely no whim
vulnerability being wreathed
you cannot know the inside
from the form and adornments alone
the secrets and wonders alongside
what makes this house a home
don't gaze upon the covering
and try to predict the prize
your thoughts unwantedly hovering
your judging and questioning eyes
for the magic that is encumbered
and by oppression suppressed
forcefully it has been slumbered
an unwarranted and unwelcome guest
a spark of life and hopes and dreams
of love and wishes and desire
through the windows they dance and gleam
evidence of the internal fire
so do not judge which u do not know
for looks and eyes deceive
but look for the light and passion aglow
for in that you should believe
for like a diamond, precious and rare
such jewels are buried deep
shovel and dig until you despair
for then the benefits you will reap
so do not look on an earthly shell
and expect the heavens to shine
but excavate to where the valuable dwells
and behold the treasures sublime